Humour at the Funerals

Funerals can be unintentionally funny at times. Except you can’t laugh freely in a funeral. You gulp your laughter like your tears.  We all have attended funerals in our life where amidst the tragic situation we come across some characters who bring out humour in the serious situation without their knowledge. 

If there is one thing which stands out in an Indian funeral that’s the crying for the dead scene.  It’s more prominent in the Hindu community and specifically  in the South Indian community. It’s been ingrained in our system right from childhood that the only way to express our grief is to cry loudly.  More louder your cry, the more intense your grief.  So the book rule here is to cry till you lose your stamina and are on verge of choking yourself to death OR till there’s no audience for your performance. The different forms of crying can put a Hindustani classical singer to shame.

The Rhythmic crying : This is where the person does not have any reference point with regards to the deceased or has shortage of vocabulary. It usually starts with a high octane wailing till they can hold their breath and then suddenly dropping to a low pitch and for the rest of part swinging between high and low pitches ending with a murmur.

Intellectual crying : This person has a huge encyclopedia of adjectives for the deceased and lots of memories for reference, some digged out from the past and some freshly made up instantly with the confidence that nobody will have the guts to scrutinize the credibility of the statement.

Cry for a penny : These are  professional people. These people will cry only when they have an audience worth their salt. Sometimes people who have come to console the grieving,  get a jolt and are horrified when all of a sudden they hear this loud crying - only to realise that it’s coming from the person who has been quietly sitting behind them and has got a surge of emotions overpouring on the arrival of known people/relatives.

Chest thumping violent crying : Now these are people who arrive at the venue thumping their chest with a loud thudding noise and jump on either the deceased or the grieving person and hug them. Actually its more like grabbing them to the point of hurting them. Sometimes, I wonder if these people are capable of reviving the heartbeat of the dead by their constant thumping on the deceased. And No….any attempt to stop them or separate them from their antics will be resisted violently.  They will stop only when they are done with their performance.

If crying at a funeral comes in many forms, then the list of varied categories of people paying their condolences can give tough competition. Some of the entertaining ones are :

Story Lover : This person loves to hear a story and come what may, he/she is not going to leave the place until they have got the detailed story of the last moments of the deceased.  If the grieving person explains the same in a couple of sentences, these people can be very disappointed.  They will keep asking questions unabashedly till they have got all the information – right from the time of the event, who were all around the deceased at the last moment, their reactions before and after the event, etc.

Limelight stealer : These people are the exact opposite. They will hear out the grieving person for few minutes and then for the next half an hour will sabotage the conversation with their experiences of personal loss. Sometimes, will also end up crying more than the grieving person to the point that the grieving person will end up consoling them.   Any one entering the scene at that moment will be at a loss to differentiate between the visitor and the grieving person.

The Attendance keeper : These people have only one agenda at every funeral.  They keep tab on the attendees at the funerals. They want to know the reasons for absentism of some relatives at the funeral and also for the presence of some relatives.  They will cosy up to different people at the venue to get this information or to pass on the information.

Movie watcher : These people have come to see the performances at the funeral.  They will crane their neck and squeeze in between the crowd to have a look at the person who’s most affected by the loss of the deceased.  Then they will move their eyes capturing the entire crowd and halting their lens at any interesting visitors or activity.  They hardly talk at the funeral.  Once they have captured everything in, it’s time for them to move on.

Look, I don’t mean to ridicule or demean someone’s personal tragedy here.  I agree, there are lots of genuine people at the funeral who are shattered, shocked and grieving for the deceased.  All I am trying to highlight is that the categories of people mentioned above are not fictional. They are real and living (no pun intended).  Besides, nobody can fathom the personal loss suffered by the immediate family of the deceased.  We can only console the family but can never reach at the deepest core of the pain inflicted on the inside. It’s a lone battle. They have to fight out alone through the various stages of shock, shattering, vulnerability, insecurity, fear and the piercing pain of missing the deceased. It’s part of the game called Life set by the Almighty who taught us to love and its attachments while all along we knew quite well that even the Soul leaves the dead at the last moment.  Difficult to accept, but the sooner we learn, the better…….